Begin Again
by d95kel
Summary: This story takes place in Post-Revolution Panem, but Finnick's death did not happen. Katniss and Finnick grow even closer than they had during the Quarter Quell and the Revolution, and they help reconstruct each other's lives.


There was nothing left.

The war was over and won, the revolution successful, but nothing felt different because there wasn't anything _left_.

District Twelve was burned to the ground, and when I say that, I'm not exaggerating. It was a barren wasteland in piles of ash and debris, houses destroyed either partially or completely; smoke clouded the air, replacing the sweet smell of pine and lumber that was present just months ago.

My breath hitched in my throat in what I thought had been a gasp, but the wetness on my face assured me that it was a sob instead.

It was all gone; my family, except my mother, who was horrified and depressed; Cinna, the man who believed in me and gave his life so I could help save Panem; my best female friend, Madge, along with her lovely family. Gale was alive, but he had escaped the district after his family was killed. I liked to think that he had found refuge in a safe, beautiful place, filled with opportunities for him, but I figured I would never know for sure.

I still had Finnick and Peeta. I kept repeating this to myself over and over, trying to get my brain to engrave it on my heart. They were still alive. I still had them. But it didn't make up for everything I had lost.

I realized now that I was weeping loudly, sobs erupting angrily from my throat. I decided the best thing I could do at the moment was try to sleep so I would not wake my distressed mother, so I went upstairs to the remains of what was once my bedroom.

X X X

The interrupting sound of someone knocking at the door ended my sleep suddenly, and I stumbled down the stairs as fast as I could. I opened the door to find the boy with the familiar blond hair and blue eyes, the boy whose baby I was supposed to be carrying, the boy I was supposed to marry. The boy I was supposed to be in love with. But that didn't matter anymore, now that Snow was dead. I didn't have to pretend anymore.

"Peeta," I breathed with a sigh, embracing him. "I was worried about you. Where were you?"

"I was staying with Haymitch," he replied, pulling away just enough for us to read each other's faces. "I wanted to make sure he was…okay."

"And is he?" I asked, my voice reflecting my own doubt.

"Not really," Peeta sighed. "He has no one other than us. And he doesn't even really _have_ us. It's like he's numbing himself from life, waiting to explode like a time bomb, slowly drinking himself to death. I don't know what to do."

I didn't know what to say. I knew Haymitch would be like this; he always was anyway, but now that he was really alone, it's only a matter of time. Peeta was right; Haymitch was numbing the pain with alcohol and waiting for it to kill him.

"I feel awful," I finally said. "That's such a sad way to spend the rest of your life."

"Katniss," he began, "I was wondering, would you mind if I just stayed with him for a few more days, or maybe a week or two? I'm worried about him, and he needs someone. I know your mother needs you, so I understand if you'd rather stay here. But I think Haymitch needs company right now."

He was right; Haymitch needed company even more than my mother did. "Of course," I said with a smile. I squeezed his hand. "He needs you."

"Thank you, Katniss," he said, and pulled me into another hug. "I'll check in with you soon. I'll be at his house most of the time, so if you need me, you'll know where to find me. I'll see you soon. Stay safe."

I waved him goodbye, almost relieved that he didn't say 'I love you.'" He always had during the games and on the train, but I still was not sure that was an act. I wasn't even sure if my part had been entirely an act. I loved him, of course, as a friend if nothing else. I cared about him more than I cared about myself. But I wasn't sure if we were in love, or if he was in love with me, or vice versa. I couldn't tell for some reason.

Whenever I told him I loved him, something would pull on my mind, telling me that I was wrong.

X X X

"FINNICK!" I sat up in my bed; sweat drenching my clothes, my breathing heavy. Another nightmare, another person I love killed before my eyes. But it was only a dream.

I was sick of sleeping. I needed to do something else. I realized that my mother and I hadn't eaten anything in days, so I grabbed my bag and my bow and headed into what was left of town.

The conditions weren't as bad as they were when we had first arrived, but the district was still destroyed. People were beginning to repair and rebuild homes, sweep the ashes into the drains in the street, rebuild the markets and shops, and go outside again.

Just as I was walking into the town, I heard a familiar voice yell my name; it couldn't have been far away. I turned around to see Finnick about fifty feet behind me, his blue-green eyes drained slightly of their color, his previously shiny bronze hair seemed a dull orange.

It hit me how much I missed him, and I hadn't seen him since we had won the war.

"…Finnick?!" I ran to him as fast as I could and threw my arms around him.

"Katniss!" he said again as his arms wrapped tightly around me.

I released him so we could talk. "What are you doing here? In District Twelve, I mean? Is something wrong?"

Whatever vestige of a smile he bore had faded slightly. His voice quivered as he said, "Katniss, everything is gone. Annie is gone. She's dead."

My heart grew heavy, like a boulder sinking to the bottom of a lake. Annie, the girl who waited for him for so many years, _dead_? Breathing was suddenly a struggle. I couldn't imagine how he felt, what this could have done to his heart.

"Finnick…I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say," I said as I brushed his arm. "That's awful. That's more than awful. I'm so sorry."

"Well, it's not like it's your fault," he replied, the slightest of smiles causing one corner of his mouth to twitch upward, and I returned the action. "But thank you. That's why I came here. I can't live in District Four when everything I have left is here. I couldn't be alone. I couldn't be without you. Is that alright?"

Was he really asking _permission_ to stay in District Twelve? As if he thought that Peeta and I wouldn't want him here?

Then again, it made _some_ sense, considering that Peeta and I were supposed to be married. Maybe he felt that he was invading our peace while we tried to start a new life together. But I could not imagine starting a new life without Finnick.

"Of course you can," I said almost too eagerly.

"Peeta won't mind?"

"No, he'll be fine with it," I assured him. "He's staying with Haymitch for a while anyway, and Haymitch needs someone patient like Peeta to help him cope."

He embraced me again, this time more tightly. "Thank you, Katniss. I've missed you more than you could imagine."

I suddenly became aware of how warm he was, the heat that radiated from his huge arms around me. It was nice, considering how cold it was outside.

"I missed you too," I said. "I have to go get some food from the market in town. My mother and I haven't eaten in days. You could go back to the house and wait for me, if you want."

"I'd rather stay with you," said Finnick with a smile and a twitch of his eyebrow. "Besides, I like the market. And I'm good at picking out food."

Sudden warmth rushed through me, coursing through my veins. Something I hadn't felt in a long time.

Happiness.


End file.
